how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
