yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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