My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
