ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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