McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
