Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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