how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
