It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
