I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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