sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
