You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
