plz talk dirty to me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
