I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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