After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
