He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
