Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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