did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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