Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
