I'm going to jail i love you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
