to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize