i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
