He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
