Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
