If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
