Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
