Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize