I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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