Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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