Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize