Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
