You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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