I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Barsexuality is the new black.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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