If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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