you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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