i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
