the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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