Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
