She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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