I wish I only lived at night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
