I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
