First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
