She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
