I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
