Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
