I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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