Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i'm inner monologue high
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
