U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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