I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize