you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The air taste purple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
