See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
