Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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