he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
