please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drunk is not a location!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
