I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
