My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
