I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
