Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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