Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
