watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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