It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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