Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
