Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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