it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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