i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
