Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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