Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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