I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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