Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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