Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
