Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
