Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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