I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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