Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
