Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
